Mistakes Are Gifts
Hello my beautiful wonderful friend,
Are you sexy? The answer is always yes, always yes. Lately, I’ve been thinking about the word “mistake”. It could be because:
I posted a new video on my Instagram and it flopped. Once I published the video, my subconscious brain screamed at me and I was able to fly above the weeds of things. I was able to see all the mistakes.
The hook was horrible, the story didn’t have stakes, the emotional pull was contrived, and to add even more detriment, I had yet to post anything for a year… so why would Adam Mosseri, the CEO of Instagram reward me with hundreds of thousands of likes and millions of views?
Flop.
Mistake.I tried filming two concepts last week for a new series I was creating. The first video required me to be mic’d up as I participated in a speed dating event. The patrons knew the camera was present, but they didn’t know I was the focal point (so to get genuine reactions).
The event on paper seemed like a success. I made my dates laugh, many were intrigued by my presence, one even said, “are you a plant because it seems you’re commanding the room?”… and one even cried because I made her close her eyes and tell her 6 year old-self “I’m proud of you”.
Seven minutes of intensity with each person. In the end, I matched with the three women that I wanted to match with… success?
Not morally.
While driving home I realized how intimate and personal these conversations were with these women. Though genuine, it was made clear to me that it would be exploitative if I used this footage for content.
Who am I? a white YouTube Prankster?
I am not.
I spent $200 on this project (videographer, their dinner, and gas).
Time wasted.
Mistake.The second video was cut just 30 minutes into filming. I was filming a tennis tournament I was playing at and my tennis partner (doubles match) didn’t like the fact that I was recording. I sent the videographer home without receiving content.
$200 wasted.
Mistake.During the same week / weekend I bumped into a girl who I had been crushing on and luckily she was crushing on me as well. We bumped into each other at my roommates birthday party - so after me giving the middle finger, a laugh, some dancing, a shot of tequila, a little puff puff of the green stuff… we were alone.
While alone I realized something… “what am I doing? Do I even want this right now? Do I even like this person?”
Mentally I wasn’t there.
Mentally I wasn’t there.
It didn’t feel right.
My actions showed it to be -
Embarrassing.
Mistake.Lastly, I’m taking a Groundlings Improv class. It can be rather tough as unlike other Improv institutions not everyone passes these classes, and what’s bigger is that you only get three tries to pass the class.
This is my second time taking the class and there are many moments where I’m on fire, where I’m flying leaps and bounds from the first time taking the class… yet there are moments where I’m making too many dumb fucking mistakes.
I know I didn’t pass.
It’s a feeling.
It’s there.
It hurts.
Mistake.
So here I am reflecting on all these mistakes and at first I had the mandatory panic moment. I banged my steering wheel. I talked about how frustrated I was with myself to my therapist. I called myself names. I screamed, “Jonathan, you’re better than this…”
We’re talking night-terrors.
We’re talking can’t sleep.
We’re talking breaking down without energy.
We’re talking the feeling of the walls crushing my head into fragments.
As someone who has had many successes in life that came with tangible rewards.
We’re talking getting into UC Berkeley, winning ASUC Senate, managing YouTubers, going viral on the internet with millions of views, being interviewed by news stations, offered a high paying internet show… and so so much more.
It fucking sucks. It fucking sucks making these mistakes…
I JUST WANT A WIN!
And, hearing from my peers, friends, and others “you’re doing amazing, you’re doing great.” isn’t enough. It’s nice but words vs receiving something tangible for the work I’m putting into these god damn projects just. hits. different.
But then… after getting everything out. We’re talking…
The vent with friends.
The therapy session.
The gym.
The walks.
The long shower.
The half-ass nap.
The long car ride.
It fucking hit me.
“These mistakes are gifts”
The flopped Instagram video pushed me to get back into the habit of posting on Instagram again. To start thinking of content again. The fact that it ISN’T doing good is a driving factor to continue without any sort of pressure.
It brings the momentum.Scratching both of those videos pushes me to live a more moral life. The world isn’t about making content. Many times it’s about building and enjoying the moments presently. In addition, it pushes me to think of new ideas and new concepts to create on the internet.
Forces me to think more outside of the box.Not passing the Groundlings class emphasizes that I’m not ready yet. This is a GREAT thing because why would I want to be passed and then thrown into the next level unprepared? I’ve learned so much in this class and I’ve seen so much improvement… which only means that the next time I take this level - I will surely pass with flying colors.
And if I don’t… guess what? It just isn’t meant to be as LONG as I’m pushing myself to be better than yesterday.
But more so than that, the people in my class, the people I met, has been a gift. I feel so loved in that class as I love everyone in it - it’s been a great experience.
You could say, “ah the old adage of silver-linings”. Of course. Sure.
Though, I think what I’m saying is that every mistake in your life is just merely a lesson and it is your job to figure out what these lesson are… and then move forward.
Of course have your fucking mental breakdowns. It only makes sense. You are a god damn competitive person… but once that is settled. I hope you understand that your mistakes are lessons… these lessons are “gifts”…
I’m not saying something better is always going to be on the horizon. But, I do think, if you look around, you will see that your life is making you become a fully rounded person with so many stories around you.
Throughout these lessons, throughout these gifts, you inherently become a gift to the world.
Thanks for listening as always.
6:48pm… in a Starbucks
Santa Monica Boulevard, Los Angeles