Hello my wonderful and beautiful friend,
It’s 11:41am.
The sun glares warmly through the glass windows of this Philz Coffee shop in San Diego. In front of my table is an early 30s couple with their tiny white golden retriever pup that they hold in their hands.
They’re waiting in line holding hands. They kiss. It’s poetry.
Do I want to cry?
Maybe.
Am I tearing up?
Close.
Is my soul breaking as I reminisce about my high school best friend Marcello? My golden retriever pup who I would talk, walk, and cuddle with every single day before the summer of my freshman year in college?
You god damn know it is…
Yes, my furrow brow curls up because my soul is breaking at this moment.
But, I’m not here to talk about puppies and love, I instead want to talk about…
The Whiteness of Improv
Yes, I’m going racial today.
The last time I talked about race was a year ago… so get ready.
Quick context, as you may or may not know, for the last year and a half, I’ve been obsessing over the theatrical comedic style of improv. We’re talking…
Taking three classes at Groundlings, and passing (failed once and had to repeat).
Weekly private lessons
2-3 Shows a week
Writing a thesis paper on Improv Theory
Starting classes at UCB to diversify styles
Jamming in large groups, with strangers, once a week
Reading comedy theory books
Subscribed to a streaming network that focuses on original Improv shows.
And lastly, producing my own Improv show in a packed 50 person theater. It had the whole sha-bang with cameras, lav microphones, a playbill, etc…
Forget poker.
Forget fucking anything right now.
My life is thinking of Improv and my show 24 hours a day.
I dream about Improv.
I just want to get better, I want to be good enough to hold my own and lift up the people in my scenes (because Improv is a team sport), and of course, have the opportunity to play (this is why I created my own show).
With all of that said… I’ve been noticing something:
if you throw a tic tac into a room full of improvisors you will hit a white person.
And Improv, just like anything, especially at UCB - is very much a popularity vibe contest. Because it’s a team sport where it requires multiple people to play, you’re going to gravitate to certain people you are comfortable with -
And I’m not saying this is the case with everyone, but in a general soul, being with white people especially as a 5ft 7 Asian guy… can be quite weird at times.
It’s complicated because the Improv scene is usually filled with neoliberal “inclusive” theater kids, so you have to be aware of your maleness where you’re not “punching down”, “offending others”, and giving others the floor.
It gets complicated because many times, the people who usually want to lead the scenes is the white person of the group. It’s not their fault, it’s subconscious.
It gets complicated sometimes because society isn’t used to an Asian male taking the lead in an improv scene: when I first started taking the lead in a scene, I could feel a sense of weighted pressure to make sure I knew what I was doing.
It gets complicated because I don’t rely on Asian jokes, which means that I don’t hold Asian stereotypes or use my Asian-ness for a joke, but still my jokes have coded non-white humor.
And, when the audience or cast is mostly white, you are careful to be of service of the audience and cast. Remember, it’s a team sport, and your job is to make the audience as a whole feel great (they paid to see you).
In the beginning, I’ll say something and I’ll be like “damn. if this was an Asian audience, they would totally understand where to go with this…”It gets complicated because many times I’ve received notes from white castmates (from both genders, believe it or not moreso from white women) about my performance:
things like i. “this is not how I would do it” ii. “get into a character” iii. “I don’t like when you do this” iii. even so far as like “you should practice your Asian accents because that would be funny”They’re just comfortable to give notes like that… whereas I rarely see that happen to other white castmates. I mean this is why we have a COACH / INSTRUCTOR they’re the ones who should only be giving the notes.
You can talk about theory or if a person is over-taking a scene / not sharing. This makes sense, but to critique your style… weird. Improv again is a team sport and everyone plays a position.
Anyway, because of this, besides the private matters - I’ve had a white cast-mate in a scene literally “shush me” in a scene. I’ve had an alpha feel weird because I labeled him (in the scene) to play a weaker character and so he physically grab me in the scene to show dominance (the coach did stop him and go “what was that”).
I want to make it clear that this happens everywhere, not just improv.
Content Creation
Film
Workplaces
Etc.,
Maybe I should call this: the whiteness of everything
This is why I’m quite on edge when I’m in white spaces in general. Thankfully my troupe isn’t like this :D Yes, it’s majority white (2 white girls, 2 white men, 2 Asians), but it’s very unproblematic and everyone is there to support each other.
Why I’m Talking About It Today & What Now?
Yesterday, I brought in a new person to test out for the show I’m producing for May 30th. I care about gender diversity and seven people for this show, I’ve noticed, is quite beautiful to have, so this person was a white woman.
Before you ask “Jonathan, can’t you find a woman of color to be a part of the show?” Sadly, I haven’t had the opportunity to be in a class or jam where there was a woman person of color, who was talented enough (passed at least the Basic level at Groundlings), and who has the time to be in my May 30th show.
Trust me I’ve tried.
There were two, but sadly one is going out of town and the other can’t get out of work for the rehearsals.
Long story short, I brought this white woman in, and she’s talented as fuck.
However, she would consistently distract the instruction by going on rambles, talk over me and the coach, and stereotypically started giving me notes on “this is my style and you should it this way” instead of just improv theory or how if I gave her room to perform.
Even at one point she said the dreaded words, “you should go to therapy and that will help you get into more characters”… “do what I do” “have you tried accents”
Ugh.I had nightmares all night… to finally a point I had to convince myself to “let her go” from the performance. I gave her $50 for her time and I didn’t explain. I just said “not this month”.
Improv has to be fun - it’s just a chemistry thing.
Okay.
I understand that this isn’t necessarily a white thing, it’s a rude thing. Simply, she isn’t a team player in any capacity, and she was being an asshole to everyone in the room…
She just HAPPENED to be white.
But due to my confirmation bias, my past, and again - my big bias - my brain went to: “oh no another white person do white things”.
Even my Asian friends had to remind me that “it’s not a white thing. it’s a rude thing”
Because now that I write this it makes me seem like I don’t like white people.
Fuck me.
I need to work on this -
Thankfully, the majority of my cast is white.
I have many white friends that I hangout with on a daily basis and talk with… and if I’m perceived to hate white people than I’m basically saying that these “white friends” I have don’t matter.
They do matter.
These white people matter to me.
I’m working on this.
Thanks for listening
No need to proofread - just needed to vent
Philz Coffee Shop - San Diego.
12:50pm PST